She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
