I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
