theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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