Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We got so high we made milksteak
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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