Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
