some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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