My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
