I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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