i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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