Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I party with great urgency now.
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