So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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