My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
