thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
