Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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