Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
