Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
