Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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