youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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