white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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