i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
