I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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