The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
