Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
