She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
