I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
