6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
