if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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