So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
