bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
