Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
