please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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