If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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