The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
