Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
