Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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