guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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