I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
