I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
