just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
