I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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