Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
