sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The ass gains better be worth it
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