omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
