when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
