He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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