Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
