im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
