you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
