please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
