that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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