look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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