then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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