I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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