hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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