The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
