garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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