...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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