this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
