Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
