I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
