we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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