ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
