Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
