Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
