true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
