I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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