guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
