dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize