oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
