Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
