I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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