sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
