Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
