i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
